Forced Learning vs. Cultivated Learning

Kiera had a Kindergarten play date a few weeks back.  It's to help all the incoming Kindergartners get familiar with each other so they can ease into the first day of school.  I thought this was a great idea.  However, I was quickly reminded of the dominating presence of  overeager, micromanaging parents.  A father I was talking to was asking me about my son's experience with Kindergarten.  He wanted to know what kind of work his daughter would be expected to do.  I told him that Kindergarten isn't what it used to be with nap times and chocolate milk; that it was more academically centered.  I explained that our little five year olds are plunged into the world of reading and math and endless testing.  He just shrugged his shoulders, "Well, I'm not worried about my daughter.  She's been reading since she was two." 


I wanted to puke.


But I laughed and said, "Oh we're moving a little slower.  We're just working on letter recognition right now."  He smiled kindly at me, which annoyed me even further. 


Yes, I'm a slacker parent.  So fucking sue me.  Don't get me wrong.  The man was nice and we continued talking and made plans for potential "play dates" (I really hate that term, but I say it anyway).  Luckily Ernesto was there to remind me that I'm not screwing up my daughter by taking it slowly and waiting to teach her to read.  I know that what I'm doing works for me and is right for my daughter.  I'm just glad that she now recognizes the letter "J", which took her forever to learn.  By the end of summer, my daughter will hopefully be in the beginning stages of reading.  At least she'll have a basic understanding of letters and sounds and not base her reading skills solely on memorization (which is what two year olds tend to do).  But whatever.  If you teach your child how to read at the age of two, then more power to ya.  But why the rush?  Let a two year old explore books on her own.  Let her look at the pictures and turn the pages.  Let her grow to love books.  Don't we want our kids to have the desire to read?  Why push it when they're barely out of the womb?


Just my thought for the day.  

Good girl bad girl

I get compliments on how sweet my daughter is.  She hugs everyone.  She proclaims that she loves the entire world.  She's extremely outgoing and befriends people where ever she goes.  People say, "That girl is special! What a sweetheart!" or "That girl will be a leader someday!" or "She's made for the stage! What a personality!"  Yes, I get it.  She's amazing and I love her.  She makes me laugh every day.  Her bright outlook on life gives me more reason to have a positive attitude.  She's a sweetheart.  But then...

...she turns into the most aggravating creature on the face of the earth.  Where do I even begin?  How about today at lunch?  I told her to eat her food instead of play with it (yes a typical parent thing to say...but damnit it's got to be said).  Her reply? She rolled her eyes at me and said, "I WOULD if you would stop annoying me."  Oh man.  Off to her room she went.  No lunch.  No snack.  No movie from the library.  Yes, as much as my days are filled with a little ball of sunshine, my days are filled with blood boiling aggravation.  When I tell her to do something, it's "I don't know if I can do DAT," and when I tell her it's because I said so (yeah yeah I can't help saying it!) she replies with, "I don't know what said so MEANS!" And when I send her to her room, she falls on the bed in hysterics saying, "You're da meanest muthuh in da en-tie-uh wold!"  Yeah whatever kid.  And you're the most frustrating creature in the entire world.  So there.  So as much as I've tried to be consistent with my discipline, I feel like I've been sliding a little bit...partly because I'm pregnant and so damn tired all the time.  Because of this, she's starting to push her boundaries a bit more.  So back to no nonsense consistency!  And then some.  There's gonna be a no tolerance rule for her behavior.  No more warnings and threats.  Just immediate punishment when she's rude, disobedient and just plain snotty.


Yeah so in your face Kiera!   

Wine (Whine)

The first two times I was pregnant, I kinda liked it.  Kinda.  Now I'm a little older and maybe a little more selfish or perhaps a little wiser.  I hate being pregnant.  I want a drink.  A glass of wine.  A vodka and cranberry.  I want to stand outside and have a smoke (I'm not a regular smoker by any means, but damn it's nice to have a smoke or two whilst gulping down a pbr).  I want to stay up late without getting tired.  I want to be able to MOVE without running out of breath.  I want to take the kids places and run around all day without wanting to collapse.  I'm utterly amazed at the amount of energy I had before I got pregnant.  This is all for a good cause, I know.  I have a baby boy inside of me, depending on me.  And I already love him deeply.  

But I just want to be skinny again.

I want to be skinny while having a drink.  I want to be skinny while having a drink while running after my kids.  I want to be skinny again while having a drink while running after my kids while hanging out with my husband without being snarky.  I. Just. Want. To. Feel. Normal. Again. 

But I really want Beckett.  I want to hold him and love him and kiss him.  So I guess I'll be tired, snarky and fat for the next four months.  At least I have a good excuse.

Here.  Look at some old pics of my fabulously adorable kids.  Definitely worth nine months of discomfort.

Pho - Toes

I'm tired of not having a camera. And I'm too lazy to use my cell as a camera (too much work).  So until I get a new camera (which I hope will be very soon), I shall post some old pics of the kids and perhaps some old pics of myself (gasp!).  The following photos are from 2005, around the time I moved from California to Maryland.  Around the time of my separation and divorce from my ex-husband.  Good times.  No really.  Good times.  Leaving was the best decision I ever made.  It was the beginning of my own liberation (with all due respect to my ex).  And I wouldn't be married to the fabulous Ernesto if I had never made that life changing decision.  So take a look at my cute kids circa 2005.

My dear Ryan.  Five years old.  Super hero with a Burger King crown.  

Kiera top, 6 months old.  Eating grass and being fat.  I think we were in Montana.

Ryan bottom, age 5. In a garden in WA state.

As I was typing the above paragraph, my daughter was pretending to board an airplane and exclaimed, "Why CAN'T I take on five carry-on bags?!"  Seriously.  What am I gonna do with that kid?

Yay for fat babies!

Holy shit! Pregnancy is painful! My darling little Beckett is causing a lot of discomfort. This is a good thing, however, because it means he's growing. It also means that I'm probably going to have another big baby. Ryan was 10 lbs 10 oz. and Kiera was 9 lbs exactly. And no, I did not have gestational diabetes. My babies just like to pack on the pounds. Anyway, considering that boy babies tend to weigh more than girl babies, I'm betting that Beckett will be at least 9 lbs 8 oz and at most 10 lbs 2 oz. I don't know why I picked these exact numbers; they just sound nice. I don't think Beckett will be nearly as big as Ryan. Ryan was a week overdue so that gave him more time to pack on another pound. I'm having a scheduled c-section this time therefore I won't be overdue...therefore I probably won't have such a big baby. Sounds logical, right? Right.

And then add in the breastfeeding and I have really big, fat, roly-poly babies. Babies that are hard to carry... babies that will put your back out. Maybe I'll have to cave and get one of those monstrous strollers anyway...

Summer Lessons

It's the first day of summer and I'm trying to come up with fun things to do with the kids so I don't go fucking insane...and because I want the kids to have fun and learn new things. Does that sound better? Kiera started swim lessons today and she loved it (see picture below). It sucks because I can't be down by the swimming pool when she's doing her lessons. Apparently it's too distracting for the kids...and it's an indoor pool that's next to the sauna so it's hot as hell. So I gladly went to the parent waiting area to wait for Kiera (future Olympic swimmer) to be done. When I went to pick her up, she was doing her usual Kiera stuff...such as high-fiving her teacher and hugging all her classmates. I wish I had her enthusiasm and confidence. I hope she holds onto that as she grows older.

As far as other activities go...we got nothin'. All Ryan wanted to do was Basketball and Gymnastics/Tumbling. All too pricey for our frugal lifestyle right now. Ryan has no interest in taking an art class which is totally lame because we could totally afford that and he's really good at it. But that's okay. Me and Ernesto are not the typical micro-managing D.C. parents. Summer should mean freedom...and that's what Ryan's getting. We'll still go on family excursions on a weekly basis, and we'll do other activities during the week. But mainly, I just want him to read books and run around and get dirty over the summer. There will be plenty of things to sign him up for in the fall. As far as Kiera's concerned, I think we'll just stick to swim lessons over the summer. She doesn't need anything more than that.

Parents around here can be a little nutty. They sign their kids up for activity after activity after fucking activity. I can understand one or two summer camps (especially if you're working). But if there's one parent at home, why is there a need to constantly run from one place to another? Relax! Let the kids relax! It builds creativity. My belief in free time has been reinforced by a book called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. Totally awesome book. Anyway...since we're not signing up the kids for organized activities, I need to come up with some sort of structured schedule during the week. After all, kids do need some structure. So I believe a lot of baking, crafts, nature centers and nature walks, reading time, museums, plays and other such things shall be on the agenda. Other then that, let the kids roam free...

Beckett just likes to chill

So I dropped my camera. And camera is now broken. This makes me sad. So we're using our spectacular camera phones until we can afford to get a new camera. I hate camera phones. I hate having to press all those buttons just to get to the camera part of the phone. Then I have to email each photo to myself and save it to my computer... Unless there's some other easier way of doing it that I'm completely unaware of. Anyway, so my lack of blog posts has to do with the fact that I don't have very many recent photos, and I like to post photos when I blog. Because it looks pretty.

So here's the most recent sonos of Beckett. It's the 20 week sonogram and we got to see more of him in 3-d. I was so looking forward to seeing his face, but he kept his head turned. So we ended up with a lot of pics of the occipital portion of his lovely head. He also likes to be in a reclining position with his hands behind his head. He's very much his father's son.

Beckett just relaxin'. I don't know what that round lookin' thing is. Perhaps the placenta. Yummy.

He's got fat fingers and a healthy lookin' rib cage.

More Beckett

As of today, I'm officially half way through my pregnancy. The first 20 weeks always goes relatively fast...it's the second half of pregnancy that takes forever. So anyway, I had an ultrasound done yesterday. This particular ultrasound was done by a fetal cardiologist to rule out any heart defects. Since my sister had hypoplastic left heart syndrome ( a very rare and severe heart defect) my doctor wanted to rule out the possibility of there being any structural heart problems. The cardiologist said that Beckett's heart looks great and all his structures look like they are developing well. She said that she would be more concerned if I had a first-degree relative with HLHS (hypoplastic left heart syndrome), but since it was my sister she said that she wasn't too concerned. This confused me of course because I thought siblings were first-degree relatives, but maybe she meant a closer relative like a parent or child? She said they were still studying the genetic implications of HLHS and there does seem to be some sort of family connection. She mentioned that in families where there was a case of HLHS that there was a higher instance of congenital heart valve defects within family members. She said that these heart valve defects are so minor, that many family members do not realize they have it and they go virtually undetected. These valvular defects are in the same category as HLHS but are obviously not as severe. I found this interesting because me and my mom have heart murmurs. These murmurs may be completely unrelated, but it just made me wonder...

But all seems well with Beckett so that makes me very happy. So here, have a look at our baby boy.

Beckett sticking his tush up

Could there BE a cuter baby foot?

Little button nose

Mean Boys

So Ryan was a victim of bullying at his school. It was pretty brutal and it's probably something he'll remember as an adult, unfortunately. He wasn't beat up or anything like that, but a group of boys were making fun of him and harassing him in a very humiliating way. This happened a few weeks ago, and I only found out from Ryan two days ago. I think Ryan waited to tell me because he was so mortified. He said that his teacher was aware of the incident. This infuriated me of course because she hadn't informed me of what happened. Ryan also told me that the other kids had not been punished. So after a few emails and two phone calls to the school, I was finally able to talk it out with his teacher this morning. I guess at the time that it happened, poor Ryan was so nervous and upset that he couldn't even talk...so it was hard to get any information from him. The main instigator wouldn't talk either (and neither would the other boys), so eventually the teachers just let it go and figured everything was okay. But it wasn't. Ryan's teacher should have informed me so that I could talk to him and get the information needed to punish those other boys. Now it's two weeks later, and the only action they are going to take is to talk to the "main instigator" and have him apologize to Ryan. Ryan hasn't had any other problems with this kid, so I suppose that a good talking to would be appropriate and no other intervention is needed... other than calling his parents. Which I will do today.

Ryan is such a good, honest, sweet kid. He has his moments, and he can be over-sensitive which, I think, makes him a target. This whole situation is a big lesson for him. The lesson is that it's okay for him to stand up for himself and yell if he wants to. It's okay for him to walk away. It's okay for him to talk to his teacher. And it's okay for him to tell me and his dad right away if he was bullied. The poor kid was so scared that HE would get in trouble if he told.

In many ways Ryan is a lot like me when I was a kid. I was an easy target because I was shy and sensitive. But I love that he is shy and sensitive. It makes him who he is. And he has such a deep empathy for other people. He has such a rich imagination. And he has the brightest smile. I just hope he can make it through his teenage years unscathed...

Baltimore

We're getting a little tired of the DC bubble, so we decided to go to Baltimore yesterday. It's not that far from DC but at least it's a start. We decided to take the kiddos to the inner harbor and visit the Maryland Science Center. It was very touristy but the kids loved it, and the museum was awesome. The only complaint was the restaurant and the clueless waiter. Also I got really tired after walking around for an hour, but there were lots of benches in the museum. Yay benches.

Ernesto in the driver's seat.

All my pregnancy weight goes straight to my arms and thighs. Sigh...

My hot husband (I mean it was sweltering out!) and my awesome son.

Ernesto is not very happy. I wasn't either. We waited for an hour for our lunch only to find out that it was delivered to the wrong table. The elderly couple who received our food boxed it up and left. Wha? But the manager gave us a free meal so it worked out in the end.

I heart lemonade.

My little boy is quite the archeologist.

Perfect tourist picture.

Kiera was actually very scared of the dinosaur sounds but she gave a smile for the camera.

Those arctic jackets were heavy... probably a good seven pounds each.

Yet again Kiera smiles for the camera when she is in the middle of a hysterical fit. She wanted out of the pulley. She thought she was gonna die or something. As you can see, Ernesto has a very strained smile on his face.

Lying on a bed of nails is fun!

my dad comes to visit

My dad's visits are always a dramatic affair. He's pretty fun... and he's really good at exhausting my children. Thanks dad.

Dress-up with Grandpa

My kids think he's pretty hilarious

But he can be a bit overwhelming at times.

On another note, my daughter has a new form of self-expression. It's called miss-matched shoes. She's insisted on wearing her "new style" for the last two days. More power to her.